(I wrote this yesterday while in Copenhagen City in a cute coffee/book store, while sat in the window with cosey lighting while the sun beams in from the street through the window)
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuummmmmpfh -this best explains my mood and feelings today. And try as I might I can’t shake it, no amount of art galleries, archtectual wonders and shopping will shake it! And just as I was about to leave the city and travel back to into subburban Copenhagan, there was a busker playing Cold Play and singing beautifully in the square underneath the stalk fountain, which just melted me.
But…there is a huge positive vibe to today, which is that places like the one I am sat in right now start to heal me. Being in a foreign land, not being able to speak the language and a sense of always being on the edge of being lost actually helps me find myself. It’s a recipe which I discovered when I was 9 years old and on my first holiday abroad. Little 9 year old me on her first day of the holiday felt so grounded even though nothing around me was familiar, and I was compelled to write. I remember sitting on the white plastic garden furniture outside of our Portuguese holiday villa, whering my very cool wide legged cream and maroon stripy trousers and black halter neck top (I was a cool kid!). I sat and wrote in my diary all about what my future was going to hold, what it would look like (I sketched it out) and how I was going to get it (there is a picture of me sat at this table-I must find it). I scribbled, sketched and scribed while playing with the grass between my toes. when I allow myself time to tune into the dreams of 9 year old me they resonate stronger with me than the images of the dreams I thought I had on my wish board. For example I am more compelled to walk for miles to find the perfect coffee shop which has the right balance between artsy, cool, cosey and sophisticated (Don’t like the vibe to be too crusty!) to then get a perfect Americano and get out my pen and paper (or sometimes Mac) and write and scrawl in my pages for hours. Rarther than spend my free time doing extra side line jobs so I can reach one of the dreams on my current wish board of owning a shit hot fancy massive house.
It’s about creating a lifestyle you yearn for…
And by lifestyle I don’t mean what car I drive, what shops I shop at, how many millions your bank balance has in it, how many followers on Instagram etc you have, or to be a Ted Talking top of my game leaning in women. My inner 9 year old and my true yearning realm does not desire or dream of these things. I dream of a stable heart (more than stable finances), a warm cosy home filled with cosey lighting-cool art-books from around the world and lots of blankets and cousins (more so than a ten bed eco mansion), to be kissed on the forehead before bed (I know I am getting puckie!), for my hand to be held in a new busy city, for sunny crisp winters morning spent in the garden wrapped I blankets eating brakefast with my family-while the dogs run around-and the grass thores out, to play the piano by candle light to the tune of my soul (geeze really going deep!), and to be held tight and not let go off. This is the life I want.
Thank you Copenhagen for helping me time back into me.